It's not fair

     Today I saw an eight-year-old girl for her first visit to our clinic.  She was a bright, healthy girl, and her mother seemed very nicely attuned attuned to her.  The girl was a good student.  I asked her mother if the family ever got to eat together--amongst Pediatricians, this is felt to be a good thing for families: drugs and other risky behaviors occur a lot less when families are able to have dinner and other kinds of quality time together.  I assumed that this must be the case because the girl seemed so together.
      I learned that in fact, dad spends a lot of time in Mexico helping his family, and this mother cares for her three children AND works two jobs--one from 8:30 to 4:00 and the 5:00 to 10:30PM.  She kind of joked that her chldren are raising themselves--but clearly she is doing a great job because this girl just shined--and wanted to be a teacher when she grew up--but there has to be some cost.  
      Mom had four siblings, and felt she was so short because they had been malnourished.  Like many immigrant parents, she had left school and gone to work at an early age, eleven, in her case, taking care of other children.  I can only picture her own mother being a skilled manager of scarce resources, and who taught this mother well.  
     I would give anything for her to have a chance to finish high school someday and have a chance to go back to school and  enjoy learning, run a day care or become a teacher--to have a chance to do something for herself.   It's unfair that it is so hard for working people, that immigrants are scapegoated.  And I know a many more immigrant parents as worthy as she is.   We need a better world for that to happen.

Gratitude and Generosity

Nature's beauty is generous

    A few years ago I was in a checkout line at the local Safeway.  There was an older fellow in front of me.  He was buying just a few things and some cookies.  He wanted to get a second box of cookies but I could tell he didn't have enough money, because he put some money down, counted his coins, and shook his head and looked downcast.   He wasn't exactly disheveled, but he wasn't wearing designer jeans either.  After a quick moment of realizing he was a retiree on a fixed income, I stepped up, put a few dollars down and  told him to enjoy both boxes or something like that.  He gave a surprised look, then pleased, and went on his way.  Many's the time over the years has some stranger been generous or helpful to me, so here was a chance to pay back a little.

     I've had this idea for years of doing a book called "50 Ways to be Generous."   We're born with it, but we also need to be shown how to do it.  My parents were good providers but we didn't have a home with emotional generosity.  They didn't draw me out so I could give to others.  Most of what I know about being generous I've learned from watching other people.   I remember when a dear friend of mine was diagnosed with leukemia her friends rallied around her and organized blood donations, rides to the hospital, food for the icebox, baby sitting ....  It was beautiful to see.  Generosity is  also something as simple as someone letting me cut into a long line of traffic or holding the door open.

     I've been lucky to work for years with Latino culture.  I don't think a week goes by without a potluck or baby shower.  People are always looking for a chance to share and celebrate.  So I try to remember, when I'm feeling  hassled and worried about something, I try to rise above myself, and do something generous for someone else, even if it's small.   Any comments about generosity are very welcome.